What a fucking season it’s been, am I right??
I don’t know about you, but my therapy couch has been full of clients struggling to keep their cool in the face of a helluva lot of haters, misinformed or misguided loved ones and peers, and intense twirly swirly energies.
Collective deep breaths for everyone!
And now on to what you can do for your soul and psyche before the next wave of bullshit hits. First, recognize that’s it’s not all about you my friend. I promise. (we’ll get to your issues later…)
As a therapist, I’ve collected some pretty damn good mantras that can be great to memorize and keep in the back pocket of your mind so you don’t end up taking a bitch out or imploding into a pool of self-doubt and loathing.
1. “Not my circus, not my monkeys”
This Polish proverb reminds us that it’s okay to step back and watch the drama train roll on by. Like Dory might say about social media – “Just keep scrolling, just keep scrolling.”
Depending on the situation, it’s very unlikely that you’ll change someone else’s mind anyway (social psychology says we’re usually either preaching to the choir or talking to people who are dead set in proving themselves right because #cognitive_dissonance).
2.” I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to”
Just because someone else is feeling fired up and ready to debate doesn’t mean you have to. It can be a powerful turn around in a relationship when someone asserts their right to remain silent. Doesn’t make you a bitch or an asshole either. You can simply say something to the effect of, “I’d rather not let such a thing come between us. Let’s talk about something else please.”
3.”My ego does NOT need defending”
I love this one. It’s gotten me out of quite a few potential nasty moments. Trust me, I know how painful it can be to realize that you are being misunderstood or downright maligned. In fact, I think it has got to be one of the worst feelings known to humanity period. But like I alluded to earlier, there are just some narcissistic twat waffles that will never get it. That’s right; NEVER. Once you learn to put your ego far away from others’ trampling feet, life gets so much easier. They can river dance till kingdom come, but your self confidence remains intact.
4.”I know my truth and so does the universe and anyone else who know me best”
Damn straight the collective “they” of a cheering section for you does. So this particular ninny doesn’t understand you. I’ve already admitted that’s annoying and maybe even painful, but you know what’s worse??
Letting his/her opinion drown out your number one fans. Whose voice gets to be the loudest in your head? Time to hand the bullhorn to someone much nicer friend.
5.”I may not be everyone’s cup of tea but I could be someone’s shot of tequila”
I mean… 😉
Not everyone even drinks tea, mmkay?
Trying to please everyone assures you failure every time. And if you’re in business, your watered down message will feel like tepid nasty to most people.
So be the strongest, clearest, most dynamic version of YOU possible. Your tribe is awaiting with baited breath! Come out, come out wherever you are!!
Now onto YOUR shit…
Reactivity can be a sign of immature ego strength. In other words, if you don’t know who you are and find a way to stay grounded in that authenticity, you will continue to be rubbed raw by every wave of discomfort typical to this experience we call life.
BUT…such “heavenly sand paper” can be a tool for enlightenment and transcendence, I promise.
It requires mindfulness and a willingness to work on getting okay with being uncomfortable sometimes. Life is messy my friend and there will always be times you are uncomfortable so increasing your “distress tolerance” as we say in my field is your best weapon.
So, after you’ve cooled off just enough to think straight again, ask yourself the following:
“Which part (s) of me are being triggered?”
Is it the part of you that hates feeling talked down to? Or maybe a side that’s afraid of conflict? Maybe a part that just wants everyone to like you.
Once you figure out which sides of your personality is reacting the strongest, you can then tackle THAT with self-help books, a fantastic counselor, or spiritual practices etc.
“What is my desired outcome?”
Sometimes we just want peace with our loved ones in which case changing the subject or agreeing to disagree etc. could be the answer. But sometimes, it’s perfectly appropriate and even fucking necessary to light some bridges on fire and roast marshmallows over the flames of righteous indignation and advocacy of self and others.
Never fall into the trap of one-size-fits-all my friend.
Other Healing Avenues:
- Getting out in nature
- Other forms of exercise
- Sex…a great answer for a lot of things…
- Calling up one of your tribe mates who WILL listen and appreciate you
- Journaling or meditation
- Massage, acupuncture, energy work, etc.
- I mentioned therapy, right?? Therapy is fucking amazing for anything you can think of, and I’m not just saying that! 😉
Meet the Author:
Tamara Powell, LMHC is a licensed therapist, university psychology instructor, and spiritual empowerment coach who believes life should be lived as journey that is “anything but ordinary.”
She opened Arya Therapy Services as a way to provide holistic health and healing to a global market. With specialties in gender, sexual, erotic, and relational diversity (GSERD), Tamara is passionate about holding sacred space for the self-identified misfits and mystics of the world – the healers, the visionaries, and the creatives.
More recently, she began Tales from a Trapezoid with a goal of pushing the envelope around the more raw and edgier side of life, dedicated to those who may often feel like a “trapezoid in a world full of circles.”
Check out Tamara’s podcast, Undressing the Spirit, for weekly explorations of mankind’s search for passion and purpose. And if you’re interested in working with her, you can learn more about her services here.
©Tales From a Trapezoid, 2016. All rights reserved.