Humility does not require total acceptance of blame.
You can be humble without being labeled “the problem.” In fact, if you want anything to change, you’re actually better off NOT internalizing such a thing.
A mindset of shame or “brokenness” (e.g., “I’m the problem”) cuts you off from being part of the solution.
No longer do you have access to the sides of you that are resilient, creative, and empowered.
You’ve exchanged limitless for limited all in the name of likability.
…And even that won’t last long. Nobody likes a Debbie Downer. In fact, research consistently shows that the number one thing humans are attracted to across the board, romantic or otherwise, is CONFIDENCE.
So even IF your partner wants to consistently hand you the blame in situations, eventually they lose respect and their sexual attraction for you. What a fucked-up paradox, huh?
A person of integrity understands the difference between healthy guilt and shame. Guilt is behavior based. It takes a retrospective look at one’s behaviors and identifies possible tweaks for better outcomes in the future as well as ways to make things better in the present.
Shame, on the other hand, is identity based. It firmly attaches that label of “I am ________ (broken, bad, the problem, unworthy of love, etc).” Once you down the rabbit hole of shame, it’s incredibly difficult to find your way back.
Speak life back over yourself today Dear One. Remove any negative labels and reconnect with the power waiting within.
BEHIND THE SCENES
As a therapist coach, I have noticed a huge correlation between the clients who stay “stuck” in their presenting issues no matter what they are (e.g., depression, anxiety, relationship struggles, low numbers in business) and this tendency to either identify as or accept the label of “the problem.”
They end up rejecting solution after solution because internally, that would mean a change in identity…which then of course, means a change in behavior…which can then mean pushback from others depending upon how long this status quo has been maintained.
For many, this causes too much cognitive dissonance and they back down out of fear or any other disempowering emotion.
The ones who succeed however, reawaken to their limitless nature. Sacred psychology proposes that underneath all of our personality traits and conditioned behaviors is am authentic core essence of being that can never truly be labeled.
And when we stay grounded in that space, success naturally follows.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Tamara Powell, LMHC is a licensed therapist, university psychology instructor, and empowerment coach who believes life should be lived as a journey that is “anything but ordinary.”
Passionate about holding sacred space for the rebels and mystics of the world – the healers, the visionaries, and the creatives, she guides them in bringing their soul driven purpose to the planet in a very practical and powerful way.